A New Jersey groom was arrested at his own wedding in Pennsylvania for sexual assaulting an underage waitress. No need to worry about the groom sabotaging his own wedding because the Pennsylvania State Penitentiary is holding a new ceremony for him and “Big Guns” McGillicutty.

Elizabeth Warren declared her candidacy for President this weekend, which is good because the Democratic Party was worried out of their minds about a light candidate pool this election.

Pete Davidson has been spotted with actress Kate Beckinsale. After the elder actress nabbed the SNL cast member, all I have to say is, I see what you’re doing, UK. Recruiting American celebrities for the Royal Army’s loyalty. Well played, Great Britain. Well played.

The National Inquirer made another threat to Bezos about publishing more obscene text messages between him and Lauren Sanchez. They’re calling it Operation: The Also Sent Section.

The NBA trade deadline passed this week, so did a big opportunity for the New Orleans Pelicans…to change that damn name.



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